The process of childbirth can be a harrowing experience for everyone involved.

There is so much going on at once. Who knows what to do?

Well, hopefully, the medical staff knows.

But a partner watching their significant other give birth is often flying blind.

So, most of the time, they go with their gut.

That can lead to some drama.

Redditor Longjumping-Meet4547 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for not prioritizing my baby after his birth?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“When I tell you this woman went to hell to back to deliver our child!”

“It was apparently an ‘easy’ delivery, yet it was more gruesome than my worst nightmares.”

“I had read it all but was truly unprepared.”

“So in the heat of the moment, I forgot to look at our baby.”

“It may sound cruel, but I was fine with the nurse telling us that the baby is healthy.”

“The woman I had promised to love and protect was crying, howling, looking like she was fighting death all because of me.”

“My entire focus was on her and her doctor.”

“My mom asked me how the baby looked when he came out.”

“She apparently wanted to relate back to how he looked.”

“I said I didn’t know and told her why.”

“Apparently, I was in the wrong for that.”

“She told my wife’s mother, who echoes the sentiment.”

“Apparently, I got the rare opportunity that most men in their era never did and screwed it up.”

“One of the comments was passed in my wife’s earshot while we thought she was asleep.”

“She wasn’t, heard it, and started crying over how I don’t love our child.”

“That, I don’t mind.”

“She’s still zonked out on hormones and pain.”

“Luckily, she quickly fell asleep and hasn’t mentioned it since.”

“I am guessing (hoping) she didn’t register that interaction.”

The OP was left to wonder:

“But yeah AITA and a whipped husband who messed it up?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

NTA – Not The A**hole
YTA – You’re The A**hole
NAH – No A**holes Here
ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA… my husband and I had a deal that if for any reason during the birth medical staff walk away with the baby, he is 100% to go with the baby.”

“I had an unplanned c-section, and they took my baby away to weigh her, and he absolutely refused to go with them.”

“I was so upset with him that was not what we agreed.”

“He tells me she was in eyesight he could see her and that she was safe and immediately brought to me but that at that moment his concern and fear were 100% for me.”

“Our baby was born healthy and well and I was cut open and semi-conscious.”

“He said he does not apologize and would do it again. He will never apologize for worrying for or protecting me.”

“I know he approaches our baby (now toddler) with the same fierce protectiveness.”

“It is not either/or, he has enough love to go around and I know had our baby not been 100% healthy he would have gone with her immediately as we agreed.”

“You can love and want to protect them both OP.” ~ Dense-Passion-2729

“Perfect comment. Show this to your wife.”
“Forget anyone else, they do NOT matter, and make sure they know it. NTA.” ~ stove1336

“Please do share this with your wife.”

“She heard you. She’s alert to everything right now, and she’ll have little energy to raise such a complex topic with the hormonal, emotional, and physical stuff she’s dealing with.”

“It’s very easy for people to forget exactly how hard this time is and project their own whatever into your bubble.”

“You sound awesome, you are here reflecting on what you could do better that instinct will serve you and your family really well.”

“Be kind to yourself. Birth is truly shocking.”

“Also, there is lots of skin time for you and bub, which is a good way to make new mamma feel like you got her back for a good break and that you are actively connecting with the little one.” ~ fishfountain

“As all of the above have stated, NTA.”

“Pretty much the only reason I saw my little boy before rushing to my partner’s side to comfort her and fuss over her, was because our little boy came out on the second push before the midwife had even gone to be ready for him.”

“And I happened to be at the perfect angle to see that he slid right on out.”

“And inform both my partner and the midwife that he was in fact already born (we have since deduced he was sat there ready for quite some time with the midwives mistakenly saying ‘Noo, she’s not ready to push yet’).” ~ TheForgottenKrampus

“I think this is a lot of it.”

“If their husbands were in the birthing room, they’re not sure that they would have been husbands who cared enough about their wives to actually fight for them and support them if they were going through something.”

“The really horrible thing is that they’re making OP’s wife feel like he doesn’t love his baby, but really, he was under immense pressure and he still managed to correctly triage.”

“Their baby was fine, what does it matter what the baby looked like so much as making sure he was with his wife in what sounded like a really hard time.”

“Hopefully once she’s with it, if she has any concerns about his love for the baby they can address it.”

“And hopefully he can explain to his mother and M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] that he loves both his wife and his child, but his focus was on the person going through the life-threatening experience was the one he focused on.” ~ haleorshine

“We have 3, and we didn’t have a secondary support support person the second time around, and unfortunately, that was the time we needed one.”

“Our deal the third time around was that hubby stays with whoever needs medical treatment, and the second support person stays with whoever doesn’t.”

“Our first, when he got to the hospital, my hubby didn’t leave my side.”

“He was still the first to hold the baby after me, but he never let go of me, and my dad was the same as my mum when I was born.”

“It was worded much the same as OP has here, ‘Mum/I were in pain and there was nothing they could do to stop it or protect us from it’ so their instincts were to focus on us and not leave us.”

“OP, you’re NTA for following your instincts, caveman days then men waited outside to protect the women from harm while they were vulnerable, these days the men get to be in the room but those instincts haven’t gone away.”

“And like Dense-Passion2729 said, you can love and protect them both and you will get the opportunity to show that in the future.”

“I hope you won’t need the protection but definitely embrace the love.”

“Your mum and MIL will be bigger AHs if they don’t let this drop and instead make a big deal about this and involve your wife.” ~ Environmental_Art591

“I don’t care what anyone says, this is a next-level dedication to your wife.”

“I think it is amazingly sweet.”

“Keep it up because it will make for a great marriage.”

“I’m sure you love your child, this situation is not a measure of how much you love your child.”

“It’s a measure of how much you love your wife.” ~ Barleyli

“NTA and agreed!”

“I think his wife is lucky to have him.”

“Too many people treat a new mother like she was just a vessel to bring the baby into the world.” ~ Maximum_Chair4836

“NTA. My Dad fainted when I was born.”

“My mom still jokes with him about it, but it didn’t stop him from being a great Dad for the past 33 years.”

“Everyone reacts in that moment differently.”

“The thing that’s important is you were present and making sure everyone involved is ok.”

“No idea why you’re getting so much crap for this.” ~ AgnarCrackenhammer

“NTA. Childbirth is a hard process, and I don’t blame you, as a spectator, for feeling overwhelmed, powerless, and not thinking clearly.”

“Your focus was on your wife.”

“You clearly love her dearly and felt bad for the pain she was experiencing.”

“You will have all your life to look at your baby. Congrats!” ~ IrrelevantManatee

“The new baby is still a stranger.”

“Like yeah you love them in theory but in practice, your wife is the person you chose and love already.”

“This crap about insta-love over babies is horses**t.”

“I carried mine for 10 months and loved her in theory but it took a little while to warm up to her in person.”

“This does not make you a bad parent.” ~ Hereshkigal826

“NTA… something similar happened when I gave birth.”

“My husband was hovering over ‘me’ and I was trying to send him over to hover over the baby.”

“The baby is 11 now and I look back and laugh.”

“At the time, I knew I was ok and I was concerned about the baby.”

“My husband explained to me that while he of course loved the baby immediately, he’d known me a lot longer and I was the one who was still getting stitched up and worked on, he could hear that the baby was fine.”

“He’s proved over and over how much he loves our kid since then.” ~ Salty-Initiative-242

“NTA, it’s quite sweet that you focused on your wife who could actually gain comfort from you at that time.”

“Your new baby, congratulations, really wouldn’t have gained anything from you having eyes on it the moment it exited the birth canal.”

“The nurses probably appreciated you not being in the way so they could check the baby out.”

“Please, make sure to tell your wife how much you love her and the baby and how special it was when the baby was handed to you and you saw him/her for the first time.”

“You may think she doesn’t remember, but she may.”

“Hearing you voice your love will be good.” ~ BluePopple

“NTA. Why are these mothers ruining one of the most important moments of your and your wife’s life?”

“They need a dose of reality; it’s not about them.” ~ ExpensivePanda66

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

This is a very stressful time.

You knew your baby was healthy, and you were concerned about your wife’s health.

That’s being a good partner.

Good luck and Congratulations.